“Assumptions are the termites of relationships”

~Henry  Winkler

I used to know a fellow in our growing up years, called Johnny, who assumed on everything, including his relationships.

Yes, he never believed that friends were important because he grew up being disappointed  by so many of them! As a matter of fact, he concluded that:

“Friends are just to be used and dumped, nothing more, nothing less.”

But one day, I really got to sit down with Johnny to let him see that assumptions can only lead to frustrations, they can only generate wishy-washy outputs…because they are not founded on verifiable principles…That is why, I like the above-quoted words of Henry Winkler  which declares that:

“Assumptions are the termites of relationships”

Now talking about assumptions in relationships, Johnny simply assumed that all his friends hated him, because they were  mean and wicked. And when I reminded him of how one of his friends had come to his rescue a few times that he found himself in a financial plunge, he then began to feel that his assumptions might not be absolutely correct after-all.

So, just like Johnny, we assume oftentimes that we are the perfect ones and all others are the bad ones…We assume that our spouses are the agents  of irritation while we are the remedies, we assume that our colleagues at work are bad, and we are good, we assume this and we assume that…but the truth of the matter is that, those assumptions could be the termites that may be  eating up the foundations of that relationship.

So, instead of living in such assumptions, we ought to start learning some skills that will help us to flow with people better. And that is because, in my interactions with people, I see that although, different people are often, bent and skewed in different directions, but they also get to straighten-up when they begin to put some   tips to work.

Here are seven  tips, that will help any relationship that dares to put them to use:

1. Remember Names:

Every person’s name is important to that person. That is why, when you holler a particular name in a crowd, every person with that kind of name leaves everything that they are doing to look up with a certain dose of expectation. And that is because,  when you address people by their names, they feel important, you get their attention because they believe that you wee so interested in them, that you bothered  to remember their names

2. Smile Often:

The quickest way that people get to measure the state of your heart is by the state of your facial expression  and countenance. If you wear a dull face too often, for instance,  you repel people away from you, because you will come across to them as a problem-distributor or a  joy-killer of some sort; but if you smile often, with a little-bit of ‘easy-going’ mien, people will naturally gravitate  towards you, hoping that  you will not add to their sorrows.

3. Be Positive In Your Views:

If you back your smiling face with a positive point of view on issues, you will  easily become a people-magnet of some  sort. They will always want to hear your view on issues because they know that your views will bring some solution to the table. But if you have a reputation of having negative and analytical views, they will most probably run away from you, even if you are correct in what you are saying.

4. Don’t Expect Too Much From People:

My wife told me the story of one rich man whose wife, who happens to be my wife’s friend,  told her has the habit of always saying: “thank you” even to his domestic staff after they must have done what he paid them to do. And the man’s reason for doing that is because he formed the habit of not expecting any expression of gratitude for any good he does to any body, simply because people are too preoccupied  with their newest  problems to remember the good you did for them yesterday.

5. Avoid Arguments:

It has often been said, that no body wins an argument at the end of the day. And that is because even the man who lost the argument today, is only keeping quiet because he is still deeply searching for a new counter-point to show you that, he is still correct on his earlier stand. So, instead of you, always trying to show your knowledge-base through an argument, simply ignore the temptation because, even when you have made your point, the other guy will simply pick it for free and will not acknowledge  your input, because he is still thinking of a way to counter that.

6. Be Confident; But Not Arrogant:

People generally love a confident person, but detests an arrogant person. They see a confident person as a motivator but sees an arrogant person as a braggart. They see a confident person as that person  who trusts in what God can do through him or her, and sees the arrogant person as one who rates himself or herself to be higher or better than others.

7. Admit That You Are Not Perfect:

If you present yourself to be the perfect one before others, then be rest assured that those people will only intensify their quest to see ‘that glorious day’ that you will fall like a pack of cards. So,  because  of that, always let people know that while you are daily aspiring to grow and attain perfection in your conducts, you are still far from being there.

I don’t know what experiences you have had in your own relationships, but I believe that these tips will help you, regardless,  just like they have helped me and are still helping me in my day-to-day interactions   with people…But before you flip the page, kindly let us have some of your own tips so that we all can learn and grow in this journey of oneness and love.

Be of good cheer!

Iyke  Nwambie

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